rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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