Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
