I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize