Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize