the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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