five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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