Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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