do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
