No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
