When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
