Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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