what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
