So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
