is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
