guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
