Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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