You work out of a Hotel?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
