sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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