Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
