remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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