Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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