where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
