The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The power of my boobs compel you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
