We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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