i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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