Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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