i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
