The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
