Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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