I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
