shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
