If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
