This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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