i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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