I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
