I think im going to throw up on grandma
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize