And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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