when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
4 words: hood of his car
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
