he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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