you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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