You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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