I want to walk on stilts...naked
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
