there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
