I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
