I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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