i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
