so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
