I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
