3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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