I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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