what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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