Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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