i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
