I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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