are you still at the devil's house?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
