My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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