bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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