I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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