just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
