Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
