cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
