capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
