Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
