I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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