you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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