i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
