I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
