u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize